This video was too good to not share. This mama gets it. And the realization hit her hard! I could totally identify with her. The struggle is real for parents. We want so much for our kids. We want to give them everything they need so that they can grow and thrive. We would give anything for them. Or would we?
There is something about the behavior of your own child that can drive you absolutely nuts. This woman identified it: they are little mirrors reflecting back to us all of the things we don’t like about ourselves. They reveal who we really are. The flaws that we swept under the rug get drug back out when we have children. We then must deal with ourselves. Ouch!
The best thing you can do for your children is to seek emotional healing and wholeness. You can’t be the best parent your kids need if you are not seeking the best for yourself. Parents are quick to want to seek help for their children, but often the problem is that the children are just reflecting their parents. Once the parents change their behavior, the children change as well. Little mirrors.
Reactions
How do you know if you need to make changes? It’s when you have over-the-top reactions to seemingly small issues. These reactions indicate areas in your life that need healing. They are like weeds growing in the garden of your heart. You pull them out by digging deep in your mind and heart to find the root. What does the situation remind you of? Who does it remind you of? Did you have a traumatic experience in your life related to that situation? Are you worried something will happen to your child and you are reacting to it? What is it about? Is it about control? As you question yourself and dig deep, understanding will come. Sometimes it takes a while.
Emotional Knots
If you feel like you have a knotted-up mess of emotions in your gut, it’s an indication you need to sort it out. Sometimes emotions get all tangled up inside. If you can identify one emotion and question yourself about why you feel that way and what is nagging you about it, you can chase it back to how it is tangled up with other emotions. Journaling can be hugely helpful in this situation. The goal is to connect your brain and your heart through words. It helps you to make sense of your emotions and to let the knot go.
Related Post: 5 Habits of a Healthy Family
Unresolved Trauma
Trauma can last a lifetime. I have worked with women in their 80s who were still sorting out trauma from childhood. It doesn’t go away until you work on it. The good news is that you can heal and find peace again. But, you must be willing to confront the past in order to find peace. This doesn’t mean you have to relive all the gory details of what you experienced, but you will need to discover what you have come to believe due to those experiences. Trauma work is hard, but the end result is definitely worth it. Your children are worth it.
Communication
Our culture has a massive communication problem. It is unusual for anyone to communicate assertively, kindly, and clearly. Improving communication in your home can make a HUGE impact on interactions. The way you communicate with one child may be completely different than what another child needs. Personality styles, love languages, and the sensitivity of each child will impact what they need from you, their parent.
Conclusion
You don’t have to be perfect to be a good parent. No one is perfect and we all fail in many ways. The goal is to work towards healing and wholeness so that your child can thrive and grow in a trust-filled, safe place. As you model self-care, emotional regulation, and healthy communication, your child will learn to do the same. You are the primary teacher.
Image Credit: Aleksandr Burzinskij on pexels.com